Mindfulness

If an understanding of family systems sets the backdrop, mindfulness guides how I view the actual process of change. The best way to understand what mindfulness is might be to feel it.

Often people come to me because there is something uncomfortable. That might be anxiety or depression, that might be a lack of progress in life, that might be relational conflict, or it might be something else. Whatever it is that is causing you discomfort, imagine that you are holding it right in front of you. Two hands, please; these things can be heavy. We can do various things with this discomfort. Maybe we should get out a microscope and examine it closely. If only we understood where it came from, maybe it would go away. Maybe we need to throw it or kick it. With a mighty heave we can get it away from us and run away as fast as we can. But there is another way...

As you look at that heavy, ugly thing you hold in your hands, how does it make your body feel? Do you feel a weight in your stomach, or tension in your shoulders? Do you feel a rush of heat in your face or the drum of a headache? Notice what you are feeling in your body, breathe in, breathe out, and let it melt away. The discomfort is still there, but it’s not quite as heavy. Now look around. Our discomfort often consumes us, so focus on what else is going on. There might be a slight breeze against your skin, or the noise of cars driving by outside. Maybe you are eating lunch while reading this and you notice the complex mix of flavors present in each bite you take. Breathe in, breathe out, and look back at your discomfort. It’s still there. But for a moment it wasn’t all consuming. For a moment you had some space. Often avoiding the things that cause us discomfort only causes our discomfort to grow. I think that getting more comfortable with the uncomfortable is often the way toward growth.